NOT SO HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
Well mother’s day is once again upon us and this is a holiday that I always dread. You see on January 4, 2005 I lost my first child to SIDS. As far as we knew, a healthy baby that all of a sudden just died…. My son Khalil was 9 weeks and one day old. Some days for me are better than others but on the really bad days I have a great support group for Moms who have lost children to SIDS to help get through the rougher days. It is so hard for me this time of year because even though this year my son would have been 4 years old (11/3) it seems like just yesterday that this all happened. A lot of times I have to pretend. Pretend that I am not hurting; pretend that everything is OK when it’s really not. I think what hurts the most that the day of me finding him deceased is BURNED into my memory, but many of the great memories of me holding him, his smell, the way he would cry, or be comforted by me, some of those things I don’t remember like I use to. What I HATE is that people expect you to just “GET OVER IT”, like ok so he is not here anymore. It is so hard to listen to other mothers speak of their children growing and doing things only wishing that my son was here to grow as well. So on this mother’s day instead of being with my son I get to go visit a grave and it HURTS. Time does heal though, because I used to hang on to ALL of his things from his bottles that still had his formula in it, to his clothes, to his diaper genie. Over time, little by little, I have gotten rid of these things and only kept things that I would really need when I conceive again. Even that has been a frustrating process, but we are trying again…. Nothing thus far has happened yet but the word of GOD says seek he first and all these things will be added unto you so that is what I am doing.
Have you noticed?
A wife that has lost her husband is a widow.
A husband that has lost his wife is a widower.
A child that has lost their parents is an orphan, but
There are no words to describe a parent that has lost a child.
